A few years ago, when I stepped out of the Kingsford Smith International Airport and walked into the four walls of my university, a rainbow was just another symbol, another splash of colour, another picture on a poster in my eyes. But today, it means something entirely different to me. As WorldPride kicks off in Sydney, the rainbow flags are beginning to grace balcony rails, the face paint stalls are popping up in and around the playgrounds, and the multicoloured lanyards and pins are being donned by people across the city and beyond.
These are all the reminders that I have a community. That there is a welcoming family out there for me, standing with open arms, ready to embrace me as I figure out who I am – in my messy, glorious, happy, confused state of being. That even on the days when I question everything, I still belong.
How did a confused, semi-scared, eager-to-explore-the-world 18-year-old me get here? Here’s my story of how I identified as a queer person and found my community – and how you can, too.
Look inward
First and foremost was the self-reflection that came with finding my community. It was scary and mind-boggling. Did I know that I was queer growing up? Not really, no. I grew up in a close-knit conservative community where it wasn’t accepted. Not to mention, I didn’t have role models around me or on TV whom I could look up to and who could help me figure out who I was.
So, while moving to Australia left me with a strong sense of culture shock, it was the change I needed. It was my first opportunity to be exposed to different terms that I never thought applied to me.
Have patience
Coming out to the world is a reasonably exhausting process largely because you must keep doing it. I didn’t realise until I started embracing my identity for the first time that it would be such a repetitive process, an ongoing reintroduction to a new way of life.
With time, I stopped ‘coming out’ and accepted that this is just who I am and how I am. There is nothing that I need to introduce about myself to people that would make them like me any more or less after getting to know me.
However, this self-acceptance and refusal to justify my identity to anyone didn’t happen overnight. It took patience and persistence to give myself the grace and space I needed to come to terms with myself. Speaking from experience, this patience is invaluable in helping you feel more comfortable in yourself and your community.
Lean on those around you
It takes a village to feel confident in your identity. So, if you are a young international student curious about your space in the queer community, seek support from your friends and/or family members. You might be surprised at how far it can go.
It’s also worth reaching out to the queer communities around you. Most universities may have a queer collective you can join to connect with other students belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community. Your local councils and workplace may also have a queer working group to support you.
You should also look out for local organisations you can get involved in, such as:
- Equality Australia
- Minus18
- Pride Foundation Australia
- QLife
- Queerspace & Queerspace Youth
- Rainbow Flag Health
- Rainbow Network, which features a directory of support services and groups for LGBTQIA+ youth
- Trikone Australia
By attending their social events and meeting other LGTBQIA+ folks, you’ll expand your network to include people that understand your experience firsthand. People who share in your challenges, your dreams and your hopes for the future. That level of relatability and understanding can be hard to find, especially when starting over in a new country. But one thing’s for sure: when you find it, it’s worth the wait.
Read more: Resources for LGBTQIA+ International Students
Remember: there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach
Most importantly, it’s important to recognise – and embrace – that coming out and finding your way is often a daunting process. In certain cases, we may be unable to come out to our families, friends or communities for various reasons. As a result, for some of us, being all the way ‘out’ right away just isn’t feasible.
It is entirely okay to negotiate your space, identity and story in your own time. This may mean only being out to a select few people you trust. It may mean not discussing your identity with anyone until you’ve taken some time to figure it out internally.
Regardless of your approach, it’s important to remember: it’s entirely okay and it’s entirely your own. There is no one-size-fits-all way to come out and immerse yourself in your community. The most important thing is that you prioritise your safety and wellbeing every step of the way. Whenever you’re ready, your community will be ready to receive you with open arms.
As I reflect on this fantastic journey, I have come out a little bruised, a little confused and a little scared. But I am also filled with joy, happiness and excitement.
I have come out the other side as a queer person, stepping into my truth. I am closer to being my fully realised self, feeling more comfortable in my identity and having a community to help me grow.
As we welcome another year of pride celebrations – a new staple in my life – I can’t help but feel immense gratitude. The journey I can so comfortably pursue would not be possible without the struggles, sacrifices and advocacy of queer, Black, Indigenous and people of colour (BIPOC) communities. It is because of them that young, queer people like me can live our lives freely and with pride.
So, I hope to see you there this year – and next year and the year after that. I hope to see you with that rainbow flag on your balcony, that sticker on your cheek and a big smile, living your truth on your terms.
